To those who read our article titled, “What’s the sitch with too much coffee?”
We apologize to anyone who was offended by the content of the aforementioned piece. The narrative expressed was that of the columnist’s alone, and does not represent our view as an organization here at whatsthesitch.com.
Specifically, the repeated references to diarrhea and its description as, “hot and viscous,” was quite alarming to some of our readership. That type of crude imagery has no place on a website best known for serious investigative journalism.
Next, our leadership has never endorsed watching the Food Network show Cupcake Wars, especially before bed. Much like the dessert it is based on, the show is irresistible fluff topped with artificial frosting and sprinkles, leaving viewers queasy and unsatisfied.
We also received feedback from many readers concerned about the last paragraph of the article, where the author seems to spiral nearly out of control during a dense, unsettling conclusion. We assure you, the columnist has been placed on indefinite leave of absence without pay. Journalism that perpetuates the current national climate of fear and anxiety is unacceptable, even if the writer is unaware of the effect they’re having.
Lastly, we want to quell any rumors that the leadership here at whatsthesitch.com was in anyway responsible for the content of this rogue article, written by one disgruntled staff member and published without approval. What you may have read on social media is untrue. We do not have mandatory coffee breaks every two hours throughout the day. We do not measure serum caffeine concentrations weekly to ensure compliance. We do not subject our employees to sleep deprivation trials in the name of science, productivity, or otherwise. We do not have an uptempo EDM playlist playing loudly in the offices at all times, on repeat. We do not garnish wages for failing to attend social gatherings at the editor’s house. None of these rumors are true.
We do not threaten employees’ family members when their articles don’t generate the expected minimum web traffic. We do not hold employees’ pets hostage if they are past deadline on an article. In fact, none of our employees’ pets have ever delivered an article late; they are all consummate professionals. We do not charge $10 per square of office toilet paperon days when there are serum caffeine concentration checks. Again, there are no serum caffeine concentration checks. There is no evidence to support any of these allegations.
We felt it necessary to respond to all of the accusations we have heard, no matter how specific or obviously falsified. As a small, independent content creator, an unimpeachable reputation is necessary for us to continue to attract new readership and maintain ties we have to larger news distributors around the country. We appreciate each and every one of our staff members, and treat them like they are family. How they consume coffee is their choice.
- NJ, Editor-In-Chief, whatsthesitch.com