Bing Search Engine
What's the sitch with the Bing search engine?
We used a slightly different approach with this sitch, organizing our thoughts, interviews, and data into categorical lists. We hope this will give readers an idea of not only how our writers feel about Bing, but also how the public feels about the much maligned search engine.
*By some estimations, of those searches that are not among the top five most common entries, 88% are ‘comparison,’ searches, only initiated in order to compare the results to a previous Google search.
What people on the street are saying about Bing:
“I think I’ve heard of it… is it one of those car-sharing services?”
“Yeah, it sucks, for reasons that aren’t really important. I don’t use it.”
“The search engine?”
“If it was as good as Google, I still wouldn’t use it.”
“Why do I need more than one search engine?”
“I like how the Google symbol changes depending on the day… oh, what do I think about Bing?”
“Is that what Yahoo is now?”
“The world would be better off if it didn’t exist.”
“I’m already late to a meeting buddy… and what kind of an idiot does a story about Bing anyway?”
Actual reasons people use Bing, on purpose:
They were fired from their job at Google.
It was set as their default search engine on Internet Explorer, and they’ve been too lazy to change it.
They are some sort of search engine nerd who doesn’t trust the Google algorithm.
They think they know something we don’t (they’re misinformed).
They are married to an executive who works at Bing.
As a joke among close friends.
They’re out of range of Google’s service?
Bing origin theories:
Google created it to make people like Google even better.
It’s a performance piece created by art school students.
The Chinese made it to monitor what Americans are searching for. Needless to say, that guy’s no longer working in their government.
A disgruntled engineer added a few lines of code that deletes the first and second best matches of every search.
It’s from Mars. They aren’t nearly as advanced as us.
It began as hamsterdance.com, before changing directions.
It doesn’t actually exist. No one has ever used the search engine’s supposed functionality past a few fake searches programed to run automatically. Go check if you don’t believe me.
Analogies sent in from our fans:
Bing is to Google as commercial interruption is to the show you actually want to watch.
Bing is to Google as a pothole is to the intact asphalt you are trying to drive on.
Bing is to Google as a 12 ounce beer from a can is to a 16 ounce beer from the tap.
Bing is to Google as new Adam Sandler movies are to old Adam Sandler movies.
Bing is to Google as a drab, muddy shade of red is to a rainbow.
Bing is to Google as Showtime is to HBO.
Bing is to Google as mules are to draft horses.
Bing is to Google as Champion-brand sportswear is to Nike or even Adidas-brand gear.
Bing is to Google as the letter A is to the words “Search Engine.”
Bing is to Google as Mike’s Hard Lemonade is to Surly Furious.
Bing is to Google as a suburban strip mall is to the great bazaar of Constantinople.
Bing is to Google as a sandbox is to Miami Beach.
Bing is to Google as an Indianapolis comptroller is to Barack Obama.
Bing is to Google as dry grass is to a field of blooming tulips.
Bing is to Google as travel by Razor scooter is to driving a Ferrari.
Bing is to Google as the Encyclopedia Britannica, volume 4, ‘Bu-Ca’ is to the internet.
Bing is to Google as some annoying guy whistling is to the London Philharmonic.
Bing is to Google as lukewarm ditch water is to a hot cup of fresh-roasted, fair-trade, pour-over coffee on a misty morning in the mountains of Guatemala.
Bing is to Google as a snowman is to the Statue of Liberty.
Bing is to Google as a turtleneck sweater is to a 24-carat gold baller chain.
Bing is to Google as old pickles and eggs are to Colgate toothpaste.
Bing is to Google as the Big Bang Theory is to South Park.
Bing is to Google as a filled parking lot is to owning your own helicopter.
Bing is to Google as the last bite of a McChicken sandwich in the bottom of a public trashcan is to… well, you probably get the idea.
*The above depiction of the Bing logo was not authorized by, sponsored by or associated with the trademark owner. Obvs.